The return of crank starters?

Looking at the cost and complexity of 12-volt starters, and seeing the pending 48-volt electrical system changes, it seems like some car makers would do well to revert to crank starters. I was recently test driving a car that has absolutely nothing in common with my 911. Or ANY 911. This got me wondering if the Porsche ecosystem of electric start vehicles isn't ripe for an aftermarket developed hunk of steel that can be used to inefficiently start engines and very efficiently snap wrists. This could breed new life and value into the 12v starter cars we're all stuck with currently.

are you posting from a bar by any chance ?

No, but solid question.

I drink at home, alone, also

I concur with the phenomenon of increasing popularity of crank starters. Along with manual transmissions, crank starter is one of the few devices that allows true alpha males to display their manhood to the ladies. The limp-wristed weaklings driving the electric cars look noodle armed and sick. It takes a proper man to drive a stick and crank start the car with one strong pull on the crank. Ever met a millennial with strong grip? Nope. The lack of manual transmissions and crank starts is to blame. If manual transmissions were still standard, there would be no facecrap/instajunk/twittwat and other socially destructive, degenerate social media distractions. Next time you want to make a statement, come out to a 5 star restaurant...and shut off your crank started, manual transmission vehicle before giving it to valet. See him feebly fondle the keys with look of sheer terror on his face.

I agree. Our starter failed years ago. I figured push starting works well enough, so why bother replacing it. Sure I've run over my foot a bunch of times and even slammed it into another car when I got distracted, but it's the only exercise my flabby *** gets. So I've got that going for me.

After a careful evaluation of pricing in the 911 ecosystem, I am prepared to offer two different crank start retrofit models. The first, based on a classic Forscheland design, is a steel crank that may or may not have numerous sharp edges. It's called the "ForscheStik." The second is a Raybee Crank Development Co. retrofit that is precisely milled from a single billet of 7075 alloy; the higher zinc content of the 7075 may have an osmotic effect whereby engine parts will last longer. Internally, the Raybee skunkworks refers to the product as the IMSB (Incredibly Manly Starter, Bro) retrofit. Apparently, this will be offered in both single-bro and dual-bro models. Note that the fasteners used with this product must be torqued to a spec that the manufacturer refuses to publish because, "y'all suck, and I'm tearing the damn phone right off the w[all]!" The Raybee product is expected to come in right around $12,599. The Forscheland unit is somewhat less expensive at a dollar twenty-five.

I'll take a Raybee unit and a t-shirt!

I can't sell you the Raybee directly, but if you'll ship me your car, we'll see what we can do.

Throw in a test drive in a tank and you can have the car.

But will it have to pass an eight hundred and fifty point inspection before it's approved for the retrofit? I mean, isn't there a perfect non-failure record on the line?

I have one of the Raybee units. Sure, it's a little pricey, but when track day comes around, it's worth every penny. On a completely unrelated note, I named my first child "Jake". Even though her mother isn't fond of the name, I like it.

Did someone get your ire up more than usual? Seem a bit feistier than usual lately.