Perspective

Just thought I'd share with the community that there are some things in my life that put Porsche ownership in a different perspective for me. In the past I would stress about folks parking too close to me, tailgating me on the road, trying to prove to me that their car was just as fast if not faster than mine, or even that new spot of tar on the fender a day after I detailed the car. Over the past few years I have been developing more of a "so what" attitude towards things, including the cars. My wife has Ovarian cancer and after two major surgeries and devastating chemotherapy she was in remission for the past three years. Two weeks ago we noticed that she was in really bad pain, pain so bad she couldn't hide it from us any longer so we pushed her in the car and off to the ER we went. After spending the night with tests and more tests she entered surgery to have her gall bladder removed. What a relief, just the gall bladder, not cancer....or so we thought. This week we were informed that they removed a tumor from her diaphragm during the surgery and that the biopsy came back positive for Ovarian cancer. Next step is a PET scan this week and then it will be to make decisions around treatment options. We knew since the initial surgeries that she has an aggressive form of cancer and that recurrence was virtually assured and that in any event she will not survive this. My wife is devastated, as are our three children and myself. We talked tonight and I did my best to present her with the strongest message of faith and hope but in the end she looked me in the eye and simply said "who are you f**king kidding". And she is right. So in the face of this reality; stressing about the lack of a job, my own medical issues, or about anything we own, including cars, is simply meaningless. Not looking for a pity party, just wanted to share and perhaps present a perspective that in the end, the shape of the headlights, the color of the car, or anxiety over a possible mechanical failure truly don't mean much. If you have your health then enjoy whatever else you have. Just keep in mind that everything is going to pass, and hopefully we will outlive the toys that we seem to give so much attention to. And sometimes it really helps to say "so what". And lastly, tonight the kids were reminiscing about some events of the past that involved dear old dad. Quite of few of their memories is how angry I used to get and they commented on how much I've changed, how I don't get so upset so easily these days. I didn't elaborate as to why I think they see the change, the reminiscing was an attempt to bring some lightheartedness into my wife's evening. What I did tell them is that I don't get so angry so easily these days because I finally learned that "Anger makes people stupid, say stupid stuff, and do even stupider things". That got a chuckle and agreement around the table. Thanks for being here and if you are afraid to drive your car because it will get wet, just say "so what" and go for a ride.

Thanks for sharing. I learned a long time ago not to get upset over things that will not affect me 5 years from now. Sorry to hear about your wife and I'm sure it will be difficult for you and your children as well. Take things in stride, live each day looking at the small, simple, beautiful and pleasant things around you. Realize you have no control over what the future may bring. Stay strong, focus on being positive, your attitude is everything and it is up to you to decide how you are going to get through this. My best goes out to all of you.

Thank you for the courage to share such an extraordinary challenge. My grandson passed away 90 days ago at age 6 from a rare form of lymphatic cancer; Lymphangiomatosis. It has been devastating. The existensial crisis I am enduring has led me to arrive at many of the same conclusions, specifically, being grateful for what I have today, which may not include anything material. Life has taught me that I will get through this, and every day is getting a little better than the day before. I thought about getting a personalized license plate, Caleb 6, in his memory. Time will tell. Good luck John, my thoughts are with you.

Lots of positive Rennlist energy coming your way, silotwo, to help your family cope w/ your challenging situation. Perspective can be a wonderful thing to maintain life's priorities. I wish your wife the absolute best and pray for a recovery from such a nasty disease. Best of luck during these times...

Health is the most important thing for a happy life, a lot of people take it for granted and it only hits them when it strikes close to home. Good luck and keep thinking positive and have faith. Until then make the best out of each day and enjoy your car.

I'm really sorry to hear what you've had to be dealing with, but thanks for sharing such an important lesson. Wisdom is the one positive outcome of tragedy. I utilize a career coach for my business and he often reminds me that when we're on our death beds, are we going to be wishing that we spent more time with our families/friends or that we should have worked more? In the case of this forum, if we only swapped out that IMS bearing our lives would have been better! Most importantly, don't lose hope. I noticed you are from NE PA, I was born in raised in "NEPA", actually writing this in Kingston now, so I know that you are surrounded by some great family and friends as the finest people I've ever met are from that area. Best Regards.

Your perspective is spot on. Somethings just to don't matter....maybe KK and I should go on a date and be nice to each other...nope. Without getting deep.......I'm just very sorry.

It's just a car, stuff is just stuff. After living through cancer myself, I concur that your perspective changes. Whether or not you're a religious person (I'm not, my wife is), dealing with potentially terminal disease makes you realize that the stuff you were worried about before is petty and meaningless in the greater picture. I'm sorry to hear the diagnosis and hope that it's overly pessimistic. I'm sure you'll do what's necessary as far as second opinions and aggressive treatment options to do what you can to ensure the best possible outcome. Cancer sucks, and cancers that refuse to stay put suck even worse. Best to your wife. I hope you guys get take a good drive in the 996 today - while true it's just a car, sometimes a blast with the windows down, music up, with the person you love can make even the biggest cares seem a little more distant.

When I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma in a body part (my head) where there isn't much tissue to cut away, I got the "don't plan anything out past six months" lecture from my doc. At the age of 31, that's a bitter pill, but I'm glad I learned that lesson earlier in life. I NEVER would have bought a Porsche before cancer - my parents are kids of depression kids, and my mantra had always been "save, save, save." While it's crucial to be responsible and ensure that your family's needs are taken care of, realizing that scrimping every dime for a day that may never come is lunacy. Once again, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis. If I had kids, I would try to convey the importance of preparing for tomorrow, but not at the expense of living happily today. It stinks that it takes such sobering events to teach us lessons that seem obvious in hindsight. If you haven't yet consulted with MD Anderson, you may want to consider it. They successfully treated my father's wife's cancer - an incredibly aggressive throat cancer - that her other MDs thought terminal.

Very sorry to hear your story, I hope it turns out better than you are expecting...Not that you asked but my vote is to ask the wife if she wants to have any particular experience and then if necessary sell one or both of the cars to make it happen. You (unfortunately due to your employment situation) have the time right now to do anything. Also, what is it that you do professionally? I'd imagine that whatever it is there is at least one other person on this board that is in the same field and could potentially help with that as well. Good luck and thank you for sharing. It's about way more than the cars....

WOW, sorry to hear this John...You, your wife, and your entire family will be included in my prayers...best of luck to all of you and stay strong for your family.

You nailed it silotwo, it really boils down to perspective, and loved ones will always bring it into focus the things that are really important. Hope that you and your wife will have a positive outcome.

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Definitely spot on. I mean look at a person like Steve Jobs, all that money and power yet health issues got in the way. I tell people all the time that their health is most important. As for KK going on a date, I think the prerequisite before you can even think about it would be for him to take at least a 500 mile trip to show he's serious and doesn't just want a one nighter with you Pete.

I'm very sorry to hear about your wife. You're certainly right - something like this gives you a new perspective, and I think it is a reminder to all of us how lucky we are. It's hard for me to imagine what you and your family are going through... and I wish all of you the very best.

Thank each of you for your kind and thoughtful replies..... it truly helps - more than I can tell you. PET scan tomorrow - things are pretty tense - best words I can use to describe how the wife is doing is a sense of hopelessness and despair. Doing my best to prop her up. Kids are handling it more through denial than anything else. I didn't mention this previously, we (primarily my wife) cared for her Father in his home when he was terminal with cancer, and cared for her Mother in our home when she was also terminal. They passed about 8 months apart and my Wife received her diagnosis 6 months later. Unfortunately, and against my express wishes, we, including our three children, witnessed both of her parents suffer and take their last breath. Very powerful and I am sure those memories are working on all of us. As I remind my wife, it is whatever it is and no amount of worrying will improve the outcome. We will deal with it to whatever extent we must, did it before and we will do it again. The "so what" attitude is working pretty well. The check engine light "drive to workshop" lit up today on the C4S - Porsche crate engine with 2,100 miles on it. Amazingly I didn't panic, just called the dealer and said I'd drop it off and whenever they get to it to let me know what they find. I'll keep you posted, PET scan results aren't due until September 9th, we're trying to pull some strings to get the results sooner as we know they will be ready in 48 hours - the waiting will be hell. Dealer said they might have time on Friday to check out the C4S. Prayers gratefully accepted. And I didn't steal my avatar from Dennis John

Prayers for your wife and family. As far as the PET scan, you should be able to get the results this week. I am in the medical field and have some experience with this. First, if they are waiting until Sept to get you the results the doctor is probably not too worried about more recurrence. Second, though not curable, there are many treatments for the cancer with chemo and surgery even after three years. I know many people that have lived years and years with ovarian cancer. Believe it or not, it being aggressive is a good thing because many times these respond better to some treatment.

Wow John, I don�t know what I can say, other than I really wish you and your family love and strength in the face of this. You are so right about perspective. I am as guilty as anyone for forgetting the ways in which I have been fortunate and need to remind myself of this often. Prayers for you and your family, Allan (GTOWN83, also very sad to hear of your grandson. It is particularly heartbreaking then when it is a child.)

Tentatively good news about my wife... made a back door connection and had the radiology results read over the phone and it sounds very good to us. Still have to wait until 9/06 for the "official" report and possible next steps. Been one hell of a ride, this crap should only be dealt with if you have AWD for a little more stability. As to AWD, haven't heard anything on the C4S check engine light and even I am a little concerned that I don't seem to care. If I lose my Porsche passion I hope they have a treatment for that; one that perhaps comes with a warning such as "if you enjoy your Porsche for more than 4 hours please immediately continue to drive". Thanks again to everyone for your input and support.

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Freakin AWESOME news about your wife! Now to fix the OTHER issue ... try sitting in a Toyota for a few minutes. That should clear things right up

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I might need some mental diagnostics - must be a fault code in there somewhere. Last night and today I found myself walking past the C2 and driving the wife in her little Suzuki crossover. Didn't phase me one bit and she only informed me one time that "hey, you're not driving a Porsche". It's a five speed and I will admit that it was a little embarrassing when I ground reverse a couple of times as I attempted to put it in 6th. That was her joke on the road today - there is NO 6th gear - there is NO 6th gear - there is NO 6th gear.

Good stuff!

Things are looking up! Surgeons office called and said the scan results looked "very good" and will discuss more with us on 9/06. Wife is elated and I am doing my best to just keep emotions as balanced as possible. Stopped by the dealer yesterday since they never called about the C4S. The rattling CAT failed; the cartridge moved about two inches and was visible through the O2 port. Think I'll put some miles on it when I get it back and if all seems well take a couple of days for a road trip with the wife. She sounds interested, provided we don't go too far in case the kids need her. She has never before been willing to join me on a road trip because of the kids - I hope she allows herself to let go for a few days, would be fun. I am thinking about selling one of the 996's but just started the thought process, will be a tough decision because they are both great cars and I really don't have a preference for one over the other. Wife thinks I am crazy to consider it and when she asked why I told her with as straight of an expression as possible that I was thinking maybe a Prius. Her sense of humor is back because she asked if they came in a 6 speed. Enjoy the day.

John, You are so right... illness clarifies everything and refocuses us on what is most important. Your Porsche is just a car and is replaceable... your wife and her illness are your main priority and I pray for her well being and for a good response to her treatments. This is a good wake up call for all of us and I thank you for sharing so honestly. Stay busy and keep the faith. Bill

Update - Met with the surgeon and the PET scan was absolutely clean. But I went from being absolutely elated to totally befuddled in about 5 minutes. The tumor they removed was less than one centimeter and the surgeon confirmed that at this point my wife is cancer free and all of her other test results have not changed in 3 1/2 years. Yay! Or so I would think. Here's the clincher, the surgeon went so far as to suggest more Chemo, but I remember that ordeal like it was yesterday. I am stumped, cancer free on one hand yet suggesting that she undergo more killing drugs while at the same time saying there is nothing to kill, except healthy cells. I am now firmly pushing my wife to consider a second opinion, as was suggested here. I told her she should be celebrating instead of stressing. And - I did get the C4S back from the body shop - bumper looks fantastic and I am chomping at the bit to take a road trip. Trying to schedule a break in the work on the house and hit the road while the summer tires are still on the car. I am getting back to my old self as I find myself hopping in the C4S for a trip to the grocery store, the one 15 miles away instead of the one a mile away. I'd post a pic but working on this house has taking priority over having clean cars. Thanks again for everyone's support. Much appreciated.

Wonderful to hear!

Great to hear. Cars are cars. Life is precious and short. Glad you all get to enjoy it longer.

wonderful news

That's great! Definitely get a second opinion.

I just realized it's been over a year since my post on this topic and I've been dealing with the ebb and flow. My wife had continued with an alternate to chemo therapy every three weeks until about a month ago. Although unemployed I chose to stay present and available and we had more than a few good times as well as some memorable road trips in the C4S, time spent that I am so very grateful that I was blessed with the ability to do so. A little over a month ago her Doc said that she had reached the maximum time limit on those treatments and pending the results of a CAT scan, he was recommending that the treatments be stopped. Cat scan results were clean and his statement was "she is good and healthy with a strong immune system". Going to do a PET scan just to make 100% sure that all is good but confidence level is high. Return to a full life for both of you, says the Doc. So, she accepts an offer of full time employment and I take a job as a Maserati salesman. The wife convinces me to splurge on a new wardrobe, after all I haven't been in a business environment in almost two years and I'm down nearly 60 pounds. The wife repeatedly reminds me that " clothes make the man". This from a woman who met me when my wardrobe consisted of five suits; three in Navy Blue and two in Brown along with a selection of white shirts and white shirts only. God bless this woman. Second day on my new job and I get the call that the results are in. Cancer has spread and full chemo needs to start in 48 hours. From the peak of the mountain to the depth of the abyss in the blink of an eye, again, and yet one more time, or so it felt as such in that moment. I inform my new employer, no worries they assure me, they will work with me, whatever we need. So chemo on Thursday and Saturday I ask to leave 30 minutes early so I can attempt to get my wife something to relieve the nausea. New employer flips out on me in the middle of the show room and I realize that this is not to be the job at this time. We spend the following Monday in the ER - the chemo has put her down for the count. Tuesday I get an emergency appointment with the Doc and as soon as my wife is seen I am told that she must be admitted to the hospital immediately. So we do as we are told and spend our 26th anniversary with the wife on her back with more IV bags and monitors than I thought could be possible. But she is tough and amid the moaning and grumbling I realize she hasn't given up and I pray and I pray until I think I have accepted that whatever will be, will be, and that I am absolutely powerless to fix it. That night as I am dozing next to her bed I hear a familiar freight train sound and I smile because I know that snore and it means she is back. I call each of the three kids and tell them not to worry because Mom is back and I brought her home the next morning. To say that things are challenging is an understatement, yet I am learning some things. Like, it is actually a lot easier to spend one's life in an office, on an airplane, on a conference call, or writing performance appraisals than it is to be home taking care of a house and a family. And I just discovered that you shouldn't place a frozen turkey on the shelf in the fridge to thaw unless you put it in a pan. Otherwise as it thaws it makes a bloody mess on the shelves and drawers beneath it and you have to stop what you are doing and clean the refrigerator. And seemingly small things can mean so much, from a thoughtful friend dropping off a bowl of soup or the unexpected $100.00 gift card to the grocery store that arrives in the mail, just at the perfect time. Amid the insanity that often seems to consume the world, I only have to see the care, compassion, and generosity of a few people to realize that things really aren't as bad as they initially seem. There is good. Tomorrow I shall attempt to learn how to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. And honestly, in spite of the current challenges I am Thankful that I can be here, fully present and available to participate with my family. That makes today a very good day. Here is wishing all of you a Happy Thanksgiving and hope that you might appreciate all of the wonder in your lives. That you take a moment to reflect upon those close to you and that you make the effort to let them know just how grateful you are that they are in your life. Snow be welcomed - I took my son to school in the C4S this morning and then while getting gas on my way to the grocery store a guy in a truck said that I picked a really bad day to take the Porsche out. I just smiled big and said "no, it is a perfect day to have this car out". And it is a perfect day today. P.S. Have you hugged your IMSB today?

Sounds like you've had a rollercoaster year. Glad to hear that your wife is back home. Praying that she's able to stay out of the hospital from here on out!

You are a true testament to "the human spirit"...You can be sure that "from out here" your thoughts and priorities are in the right place. All the best to you and your family in the future.

John, my sympathies. I too am battling cancer, Melanoma Stage IIC. I undergo treatment shots 3x weekly, and the Interferon treatment is not nice. I'ts been hard on me as well as my family and kids. I am thankful there is a treatment, and I am halfway thru a years' worth. I am thankful for that, and for my Porsche to drive- it sure does clear the mind! Best to you..

God bless anyone going through this terrible disease...kick it's ***! Hope everyone has a blessed day tomorrow.

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Thoughts and prayers with your. family. Your perspective is something everyone should aspire to. Oh, don't forget to take the neck and giblets out. And cook right side up. Been there and have made all the turkey mistakes. Including the drip pan.

Happy Thanksgiving John, to your and your family. I can't think of anything more to say except that obviously you know that your are in our thoughts and prayers.

John - Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Your wife and your family truly appreciate your strength in a difficult time. Hell... I appreciate it immensely just reading your posts. Hang in there. I wish you, your wife and your family well.

Amen to that, and you are absolutely right, it's just a car, house, boat, etc. Means nothing when it come to you're family. You're wife is a fighter she dropped the f bomb when she told you who are you kidding. She will kick this cancer bs to the curb. Have a happy holiday and keep you're head up.

Thank you for writing this... Happy Thanksgiving! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

I admire your courage and I pray to God to give you wisdom in this difficult situation, you a have a strong woman next to you and been there make you a real man not everybody has the patient and endurance, reading your post make me remember to do not sweat the small stuff and enjoy life, have a happy thanksgiving and remember "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will"

Hoping all works out well for the two of you. Enjoy Thankgiving with your wife!

Thanks for sharing. Wishing you and your family strength, patience, and optimism in these challenging times. I've been in similar situations twice with good and bad outcomes and I agree that when it comes to such things, nothing matters but the people you care about. Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks all for your comments; much appreciated. I am doing my best to be both optimistic and realistic. Immediately following the first surgery the surgeon did tell me that he wasn't one to sugar coat or create false hopes and he quoted me some statistics. He was sure to let me know that they were just statistics and that exceptions to such data did occur. Yet now as I reflect on the past few years, every statistical milestone has been met within a matter of months to the time line. Where the gratitude comes in is in the realization that I have been blessed with time and opportunity to change and to participate in positive experiences and thus have pleasant memories. After all, at the end of the day we seem to live off of memories of the past or fantasies of a future that we can't possibly be sure of. I spent most of my life chasing dollars and things and believing that I was doing it so that "someday" I could afford to live differently. When I suddenly and unexpectedly lost my highly compensated job, I was devastated and certainly could not see a hint of blessing in it. Had I not lost that job I most likely would have continued to live as I was and would most likely had missed this opportunity to spend my time and energy on what is truly important to me. I always knew that I was compromising my family in the pursuit of nonsense but I didn't change. We can either pray to change when we see the light or we can be forced to change when we feel the fire. Waiting for one kid to arrive and we will have a full house. The wife has been up and around just enough to instruct and supervise the food preparation and the kids have already found the cookies and pumpkin pie so again, today is a very good day. Wishing all of you a joyful day.