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YOUR RESEARCHwish I was as rich as I am stupid
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he thinks it's clever
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He's done it in a couple of threads now, so I suspect he thinks it's clever.
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6) Using the flaming pile of charred Benjamins for illumination, repeatedly check the time on your Rolex.
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Suggestion · Original poster
I am curious what significant changes I will find.
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Suggestion · Original poster
Not sure I really want to go through another change of title but I'll consider it for the right car.
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Suggestion
We've gone from $350 oil changes with hot baristas to blasting commies for traffic control?
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Regarding 19" wheels: "I think it gives the car a much more aggressive appearance , while setting the car apart from the norm." That sentence may look familiar - it was part of the original post in the look-at-my-new-accessories-ow-I'm-butthurt thread you opened and then subsequently locked...
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Drove my former 996 today...made the dealer an offer to buy it back. I'll know if it is accepted tomorrow morning. I love the lines of the 997 more, but driving the 996, even with 72 year old reaction times and knees, it is the more fun car to be in. The interior is so clean and honest...and yes I can feel the missing horsepower but the 996 is more than fast enough. I'll post as soon as it is back in my possession.
How much is my mistake going to cost me? All things in, about $9,000. On the other hand I'll be saving $17,000 so I'm still ahead $8,000. More or less. But the truth is that I'm out $9,000 and I won't bother itemizing it.
Oh yes, and I prefer the stock 996 suspension to the sport and normal settings on the 997. And I prefer the way the 996 took a set in some turns.
What more can I say. I made a decision that it turns out I regret making. And I'll have to pay the price.
I guess I have the honor of being one of the first to welcome you back to the 996 fold. Its almost as if you never left. Be honest with us though, you really just missed the 996 crew here didn't you?
This is pretty interesting. I like my 996 a lot, but think the 997 looks even better. If I had the money, I would definitely consider an upgrade to the newer model.
John, everyone makes mistakes, few are as out front about stupid mistakes as you are. Most of us are "closet mistakers" Many come to Vegas and lose more than that but will only talk about the free drinks and the comped rooms.
They are like accidents on the side of the freeway. You hate yourself for looking, but you're interested just the same.
Now that he's all got us looking anytime he posts, I'm waiting for him to pull a Rick-roll out of his hat
Experience is a compendium of applied errors.
Ask me how I know.
If you come across the 964, 993 C4S, 928, or 1964 Lincoln Continental that I sold and never should have, let me know, would you? Thanks.
1) While I wouldn't want you to itemize it, why are you out $9K? Is that work you put into the 997 that you can't get back, or... ??
2) Are you CERTAIN you want to do this? Maybe sleep on it for an extra day? You've torched a decent amount of money only to wind up where you were a couple of weeks ago. Your money, your monkeys, your circus, do whatever the heck you want - but that's real money you're throwing around, and we'd ALL hate to see the Venezuelan Rolex up on the auction block.
There was something - or there were multiple things - that made you long for something other than the 996. Are you sure you're not going to get that urge another 8 months from now and kick yourself for doing what you're fixing to do?
Yeah, I was wondering the same... one of the key reasons stated for moving to the 997 was for the tiptronic, so that your geezerfied knees didn't have to work the clutch. It won't be fun to own the 996 if you can't shift gears.
That's one bloody big ticket item to be filed under "buyers remorse".......
I wonder how this was explained to Mrs Ireland - on his geezerfied knees I'll bet?
"What more can I say. I made a decision that it turns out I regret making. And I'll have to pay the price."
You have to be a masochist !!! Can you say $9000.00 Cappuccino? Sure you can! Prepare for a public flogging...
Great RL soap opera drama. You can't make this stuff up.
I find it ironic that Johnny thinks opposite of most folks about the interior though.
Hopefully you never go back to the dealer as they will have a poster in the back room of you of the only guy that traded a 997 for a 996 in history. All the workers smiling at you are really laughing at you and mumbling something to themselves.
I'm with others and don't really know how you arrive at $9k but regardless, have you tried selling it on your own?
Couldn't you just sell off one of your Rolexes to make up the difference? Oh, wait... Is it possible that you accidentally left one or two of them in the car somewhere? Maybe that's the real reason of wanting it back...dun dun dun.....
I definitely think he does.
And just about everything else...
He should get free latte's for life...
Would you buy a car from this guy?
The Rolex was his best investment. Only cost him $40 from the salesman on Venice Beach. He could get twice that in West Hollywood.
Gonzo at his best as usual.
Does anyone find it odd that he hasn't promoted one of this eBooks yet though?
Maybe he's performing a series of social experiments on Porsche owners to assist him in completing his next eBook on memoirs of a typical Porsche owner.
Just when JohnnyIrish saga couldn't get any more interesting, we get this. Who needs TV or NFLX when we got JI? Kardashians got nothing on him. And IBL.
Miami Vice In The Air Tonight Scene Good Quality - YouTube
He bought the car at Sports Trend Auto in Sherman Oaks, and yes, the owner and all the employees there know about him and are laughing about him behind his back.
Now all we need to make the world right is to have KK come back to 996 ownership.
Oh wait....never mind. What was I thinking?
John is entertaining, KK was just irritating.
Carry on.
Well... time to chime in. I've gone from an 06 997.1 C2S coupe to an 08 997.1 TT cab to an 11 987.2 Spyder (LOVE IT) but have in my stable a 2000 996 C2 Coupe to sell for a friend. And... I DIG this car! It's got a lot of soul, sounds greats, drives great, and is a HUGE bang fer yer buck P-car! You can tell right away, in comparison to the Spyder, that it's a 911! Very cool car and I can see why you guys like them. I'll continue to lurk...
Time to bring up the 996 forum members MMA video from last year. This year we got Astroglide vs Buddha911. Will slippery moves be sufficient to handle the eternal patience?
Angry Old Men Fight - YouTube
Probably too late to help you out this time, but next time instead of trading the 996, ship it to me. Then when buyer's remorse sets in in a month or so, sell the 997 privately, and I'll only charge you $4500 to give you your 996 back. Hey, anything to help out a fellow Porschephile.
Having traded 'up' from 964, to 993, to 996, and then---stopped and bought another 996 when I jumped back into my Porsche obsession, I can understand post purchase dissonance and a 'retrograde' move. Never should have let go of my 964, but instead run the wheels off it and then added another 911 variant later. Older; wiser. Perhaps.
I've not owned a 997, but had the opportunity to buy one. I chose a 996. Doesn't make it 'better', but I understand the appeal---at least, the 996.2.
Granted, I didn't go and trade back my car after a month. But I understand, nevertheless.
Instead of offering a mocha chocka locka the shop gives you a swift kick in the family jewels to go along with that nice shop bill. I'd rather have that (not really that) instead of free coffee thinking they are doing you a favor.
The official Rennlist "I have too much money to drive a 996" DIY:
1) Drive your 996 to the bank and withdraw $10,000 - $50,000.
2) Drive home.
3) Pile the money in your driveway.
4) Add an accelerant to the pile of money. Carb cleaner and gasoline work nicely.***
5) Once night falls, light the money on fire. **
6) Using the flaming pile of charred Benjamins for illumination, repeatedly check the time on your Rolex.
7) Holy sh*t! Jeopardy just started! Run upstairs to think of responses phrased as questions.
If you made it all the way through number 7, congratulations! You no longer have excessive money in your account that might tempt you to upgrade to a newer 911.*
*You may need to repeat this process several times if you find you still have excessive cash remaining.
**Depending on where you live, you may suddenly find Amanda Bynes next to you with a pack of matches. Do not be alarmed - Ms. Bynes just enjoys a good driveway fire and is otherwise harmless.
***If you reside in the state of California, you may find that the pathetic excuse for gas sold at our gas stations sometimes refuses to burn. Strips of California condor and baby panda cubes added to the money may help kindle your environmentally friendly blaze.
Variations: In addition to burning the cash, you may also want to invest in some bent-up aluminum covered with fake carbon fiber to bolt up just forward of the front wheels. In addition to providing an effective way to reduce excessive savings, this will also help you "straighten the air" as you drive. Many GOP lawmakers and their alchemists believe that straight air can help relieve deviant thoughts, so take pride in the fact that you are helping conservatives stamp out thought crime at the same time you're displaying exquisitely good taste once thought common only among the McLaren and Ferrari-driving elite.
Wait, no, don't take pride. That came out wrong. Dammit!
Here, thanks to the magic of the internet, is the multi-media version of that quote for your viewing pleasure:
You keep using that word. - YouTube
Way to dump some gas on that - I'm sure Brother Buddha thanks you.
Thanks for the repost, Schnelly. I somehow totally missed Astroglide's post. Where's the fun in being insulted if you don't even know that you've been insulted by the illiterati?
Periodically someone will offer up a wasteful and truly mind bendingly stupid use for a small but not insignificant sum of money. Like take the 4 year old to an expensive restaurant or the like. I usually counter with "why don't we just take $300 and literally light it on fire. Same end result and we'll get to tell people about the time we lit $300 on fire to watch it burn."
To think, Johnny Iretard could have lit $8000 on fire and still had $1000 and a great story!
He's done it in a couple of threads now, so I suspect he thinks it's clever.
But again, he also let some feller bolt some vinyl-covered aluminum stock to his car, so judgment is suspect at this point.
I have found some other accessories to go with the "air straighteners..."
Sorry, next time I'll try to make it more prominent for you.
O, and schnell, I'm sure those would look perfect on your plastic corvette. Not fitting for a Porsche.
You're absolutely right - tacky aero elements would look ridiculous on my plastic Corvette.
They are MUCH better suited to your 996, Accords, and Civics. Congrats on keeping such exclusive company when choosing mods.
I even found one in fake carbon fiber. It's pretty cool that you can roll with the youngsters, and inspirational that you're adding items to your $80,000 911 to make the car more appealing to the low-budget import tuner crowd.
If you ever find yourself at the drag strip, be sure to line up with a crappy plastic Corvette like mine and do a couple of runs. I'm sure your "air straighteners" will help you get down the track in record time.
Funny, you weren't on the list of people I expected to see cracking wise about visually appalling mods that yield no discernible benefit...
I've been pondering this air straightening business some, and think I have a solution.
Over at the Dollar Tree I can get some big afro picks for a buck each. Several mounted along the side of the car in series should provide adequate air straightening. I'll also install a small post-pick aerosol system where I can apply a "booster" shot of hair spray for when things get squirrelly on the track, to keep the straightened air straightened.
Careful, Schnelly, ya don't know what yer messin' with. Astroglide may go all Valley Girl on ya. That's how those Sherman Oakies roll.
This is a massive thread hijack concerning the seriousness of the OP's position. Since Johnny Irish has not responded to a single post in days, I can only assume the worse...then I saw this in the Burbank Bugle.
Just to make sure I understand - 19" wheels are ghetto? Damn, someone should let the poor slobs buying 2015 911's that they are driving donks...and those unfortunate fools buying 4S GTS's probably don't even know that their car is equipped with *gulp* 20-inch Ghettomasters. The shame! The misery! Someone should write a song about this indignity.
On a cold and gray Stuttgart morn'
A big-wheeled Porsche 991 is born
In the ghetto...
Regarding 19" wheels: "I think it gives the car a much more aggressive appearance , while setting the car apart from the norm." That sentence may look familiar - it was part of the original post in the look-at-my-new-accessories-ow-I'm-butthurt thread you opened and then subsequently locked...
Alansglide:
Acquire one. Read it. Refer to it often. You average at least one grammar/usage error per 5 words.
Amazon.com: Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association, 6th Edition (9781433805615): American Psychological Association: Books
Amazon.com: Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association, 6th Edition (9781433805615): American Psychological Association: Books
Until it arrives, enjoy some quality time with your 996 in all of its inverted-aluminum-mud-flaps-and-mismatched-tires glory...
Alansglide: A bit of friendly advice - it's a lot more fun in here if you don't take yourself or anyone else too seriously. It's all good to poke fun at each other - good God, JohnnyIrish would've got postal on us already if he didn't have a sense of humor. Posts like your aero-spatula one are what keeps people coming back. Hell, I hope you become a regular contributor. So, lighten up, otherwise, you just come across looking like this:
Now, back on topic - JohnnyIrish and his insatiable desire to shovel money at anyone with a Porsche sitting on their used car lot.
Johnny after he bought his 997:
Jurassic World - YouTube
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Help me out here...which frickin' thread am I in?
They are all starting to run together and its tough to keep up...and I'm currently sober, but the weekend is fast approaching.
Why is Spatula Boy getting all the grief in a Johnny Irish thread? Shouldn't Johnny get all the grief?
Then the GWIT996F Thread has morphed into this thread. And the GWIT996F Thread is epic and THIS thread is dumb. Just plain dumb. Dumb because its just Johnny looking for attention dumb.
And why is Spatula Boy pretending he baited 5CHN3LL? 5CHN3LL don't need no stinking' bait. 5CHN3LL thrives on this ****.
Oh snap! And so does Johnny Irish! Could it be that Johnny and 5CHN3LL are the same person?
Or is Johnny really KK?
And why does Vargas speak Jive? Its like Latin. Nobody speaks Latin anymore and nobody speaks Jive. Not even Latino's or JiveO's.
Fu@K it. I say its the weekend already!
Yeah, I'm headed down to the County Fair tonight for a Michael Jackson Tribute concert. [No, it was NOT my idea].
Q: When was bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?
A: When the big hand was on the little hand.
I have a feeling JI is planning something far more destructive than this. Be ready my 996 brothers, not even Jake Raby will be able to diagnose/help us when that time comes.
IMG_0322.JPG
Lol! Last time i was in Vegas i saw this guy & told him this has to be a Tuff way to make a livin' & i just gave him $10 & NO Kick! Just couldn't do it!
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"I don't always drive Porsches. But when I do: I drive a 996."
https://rennlist.com/forums/newreply...ply&p=12386810
The Most Interesting Sherman Oaks Resident In The World
For your sake John I am glad to hear that.
Maybe look at a couple of mods to the 997 to personalize it and you'll feel differently about the car.
No spatulas, cheese graters or plywood wings tho.
Indeed. The 997 is a fine machine. Since you have a Tip, drive it in "M" mode for enjoyment, "D" mode when just headed out to the movies, etc.
Tell ya what, I'll be willing to trade my 996 for your 997.
So are you gonna close this thread too then?
On a serious note, you like the way 996 drives and it's tip tranny along with the interior so why not just do a 997 front end conversion? For the $9k you could've lost, you can have the best of both worlds and still get to participate in the 996 forums. Win Win.
The 996 forum is the hidden gem of auto talk. The threads go all over the place yet stay on topic. Just thread jumping here is reason enough to buy a 996. I posted this on the 6tt forum but it will fit nicely
Fat Lady Gets Out of BMW - YouTube
It turns out you do not need to choose between "3 Big Macs for lunch every day" or "lower the car."
The internet is very instructional.
I'm not as robust as those fellers in the post above, but getting in and out of an Elise still ain't for me.
I love this "Good week in the 996 forum" thread. Best ever on the Internet!
Wait...What? This isn't it? With all the great pics, snark, and butt-hurt? I'm confused...
It turns out Johnny was punking us all along...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ten Years View Post
LOL
Can't seem to control those trollish impulses? Having an opinion is one thing, but expressing in it such lame (and absolute) terms is just childish. You do it on purpose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by John Ireland
You guys are too easy.
;-)
Yes I did it on purpose and for the sheer fun of it.
Thankfully most people have learned to ignore me when I make this kind of post...and also take me seriously when I ask serious questions or have honest observations.
First of all, has
anyone
ever taken Johnny seriously?
Secondly, isn't this "I did it on purpose" routine the same thing you say when you fall over your own coffee table?
Thirdly, how can a guy who claims to have been pulling our legs all along, use the word "honest" in his posts?
Fourthly, I found myself actually thinking that Quadcammer was being civil.
Lastly, KC...you should quit looking for a 996 and buy Johnny's 997. You can get it for a $9k discount (but you have to throw in a cup of Starbuck's).
Plan B is to sell the 997 and buy Greek bonds.
Plan C is to follow the old carpenter's rule...measure twice and cut once.
Since the 997 seems to need nothing I'll continue to drive it...fix the rattle in the sunroof...get my money out of it in miles.
Thanks to those with offers for a swap...if you're in the LA area and want to meet, drop me a PM. Not sure I really want to go through another change of title but I'll consider it for the right car.
Regards to all.
When I was in 4th grade, I gave Darcy T. a note telling her I liked her and wanted to "go around" with her. I subsequently panicked and blurted out, "April Fools!"
It was late May, so I'm not sure the cover story worked.
Until this thread came along, I thought I was the only person suffering from lame excuse syndrome...
Seriously, Johnny, Plan D should be to read up on your 997 and do all your own work to save the $ you almost lost. This thread is one of the most OT ever posted, so congrats.
It's possible. Darcy had certain...features...that in 4th grade that made her especially eye-catching. I'm sure she's had back surgery at least once by now.
Actually I've already ordered "997 The Essential Companion" for just that purpose. I am curious what significant changes I will find. I know that I do not want a car (991 or any car) that automatically stops and starts its engine at every stop light. Even if I can turn it off, the commies will find a way to hack all cars and turn it back on. I find the beeping in the 997 every time I go into reverse to be insulting.
There is a bit of George Orwell (and Obama?) built into all modern cars.
Death to the New!
We've gone from $350 oil changes with hot baristas to blasting commies for traffic control? John - it may be worthwhile in reading how traffic technology has progressed over the past few years.
I agree. Never heard Fred Flintstone complain about an IMSB failure, a window that loses it's up/down memory, weird beeping, spatula air straighteners, 49 Modes of Catastrophic Failure, commie hackers, etc.
.
So, does this mean Johnny Irish won't be first in line to buy one of those self-driving cars from Google running around the Mountain View, CA area?
Those people from Google, what a bunch of commies.
Dammit. Sometimes I wish Rennlist would just install a damn 'Like' button and get it over with. There's a lot of comedy gold in here these days.
Bravo 5CHN3LL. Bravo.
Yes the most recent story from Belgium tells of a city four way intersection that was rivaling heart disease as a leading cause of death. The put in cameras and four way lights and speed bumps and traffic cameras and signs on top of signs but no matter how many safety items were added, the accident rate kept growing.
Finally a non-traffic safety engineer came forward with the solution that actually worked. He had them remove all signs, all lights, all speed bumps, all traffic cameras, all safety items. The accident rate immediately plummeted and continued to and has not gone up since.
Reason: People realized they were approaching a dangerous intersection and out of selfpreservation they slowed down and paid attention.
The Nanny State should not be designing your car, nor driving it, no telling your how to drive. Steering wheel air bags should be removed and its its place two giant daggers should be installed...one in the steering wheel and one in the headrest. If the driver hits something at five miles an hour or less...from the front, the steering wheel dagger springs out and plunges into the driver's heart. If the driver is backing up and hits something at that speed, the dagger in the headrest snaps out and plunges deep into the driver's brain.
I guarantee that this will do far more to stop low speed impact, front and back, than anything now being used in cars.
The Nanny State should not be designing your car, nor driving it, no telling your how to drive. Steering wheel air bags should be removed and its its place two giant daggers should be installed...one in the steering wheel and one in the headrest. If the driver hits something at five miles an hour or less...from the front, the steering wheel dagger springs out and plunges into the driver's heart. If the driver is backing up and hits something at that speed, the dagger in the headrest snaps out and plunges deep into the driver's brain.
What if person's IQ is above single digits though? They see you as a "****head" driving your fancy Porsche and they having a bad day. So they decide to put their car in reverse and back into your car on purpose at 6MPH while ducking to the right in the driver's seat? You get impaled by the dagger and they drive off?
They did this several years ago and it works in certain locations. However, roundabouts were in more locations that this and require the same personal judgement to make it through. One of the reasons roundabouts are so safe is that you need to your your head. They are safer for everyone except the blind.
Fascinating, if true (I've no reason to doubt you). While I dislike busy roundabouts in both Europe and places that fancy themselves Europeanesque (see: California), I've yet to see an accident in one.
I've got to sign onto JI's Social Darwinism a little bit, though perhaps not applied to my own car and my own headrest. All of the safety features of our society in the least 100 years, well meant though they might be, serve only to preserve idiots long enough to reproduce over and over, passing their apparently dominant idiot genes along to another generation of buffoons who couldn't safely cross a street or operate a punch press without lights and arrows and guards and whistles and so forth to keep them intact.
A safe, nonthreatening, insulated, and increasingly stupid world. Ah, for the good old industrial accidents and cholera epidemics....!
Bah, these idiot governments with their food safety inspections. To hell with the lot of them. And these child labor laws. Who needs those? Pussies, that's who.
Yeah, there you go---after all, who's gonna reach into a jammed machine and pull out a sheared bolt?
Y'need little kids for those small motor tasks, not some ham handed union machinist.
Underutilized resource, I say. Good enough for Great Grandpa 'Leftie', good enough for the proletariat...
