Simon's list of 996 "Don't"s

Most people probably don't need this kind of basic help, but here we go 1) DON'T carelessly throw an umbrella in the car "just in case", as it might drop between the passenger seat and the side of the car on Wednesday 2) DON'T leave the umbrella so that it is resting on the "down" switch of the electric seat on Wednesday night 3) DON'T get sick and leave the car that way for 36 hours so that the motor has completely drained the battery by Friday 4) DON'T necessarily believe the cheery guy at Autozone on Friday night who says the battery is fine and charges it up for you, because it may not be fine really 5) DON'T pick up a random yellow jumpstart gadget at Target on Friday night in the belief it will actually help 6) DON'T be surprised that the yellow device needs to be plugged in for 38 hours before you can actually use it 6) DON'T forget that your girlfriend's Civic has a flat, so it's running on a stupid spacesaver 7) DON'T believe that you can use the Civic to jumpstart a 996 on a stone-cold Saturday at 4.30am so you can get your flight to go skiing 8) DON'T chide your girlfriend for driving her Civic at 45mph on the stupid spacesaver to the airport on Saturday morning 9) DON'T almost miss the flight 10) DON'T abandon the whole distrastrous situation over the 3-day MLK weekend while you go skiing 11) DON'T go from work to LAX on Tuesday lunchtime and leave your battery-challenged 996 in the parking lot for 3 days 12) DON'T count on the battery-challenged 996 to start at LAX on Thursday when you get back from Chicago at the same time as your mother flies in from London for a long-awaited vacation 13) DON'T use bad words in front of your mother who has just arrived from London while getting the parking lot guys to jumpstart the car 14) DON'T believe in the stupid yellow charger that has finally had its charging session, even when it gets you started on Friday morning as you show your mother round LA 15) DON'T stop for gas on the way to the dealer to get a new battery and radio code 16) DON'T expect that the yellow charger will start you after the gas 17) DON'T get forced into buying whatever is available after waiting for the AAA for an hour in rush-hour on Friday night with your mildly jetlagged mother who is starting to wonder where you picked up all these bad words I may have left out a few "don't"s but I think you get the main points: - Umbrellas and seat switches - Trusting Autozone - Trusting stupid yellow jumpstart devices - Mother and language

if it makes you feel any better, I had the exact same thing happen to me. Except for #8. That part was different.

I just blew the starter on my wifes feep cherokee jumpstarting my 996... that was $250 down the drain...

There is a lot of good practical advice in here. My advice, return the battery pos to Target.

It was quite therapeutic to write down my week-long tale of woe. I am now more relaxed, and so is my mother. I will return the useless yellow device to Target. And to think, the whole ridiculous affair started with a simple umbrella!

Simon, thanks for the laughs. I thought that kind of stuff only happened to me. I feel better now...misery loves company. I hope you enjoy living in Redondo as much as I did. I used to live on Esplanade ave. It remains one of my favorite places to visit. Take care, Mark.

I'm thinking a short movie at Sundance, and maybe a full distribution deal after that. Simon could be played by Hugh Grant Simon's GF - Keira Knightley Simon's Mum - Helen Mirren I'm think a working title of: Four Charges and a Runflat Anyone got a good agent?

Fuuny post NNH.

LOL I'll tell my mother about that suggestion! My gf is American but I'm sure she won't mind the Keira comparison As for me, Hugh has a good ten years on me, but I rather like his crumpled style.

And he'd say ' oh bugger ' so nicely at the appropriate moments!

Bugger! My favorite word. ...always amuses my colleagues when I use my Hugh Grant accent.

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Brits and their umbrellas... will they never learn?? Funny story! Probably wasn't funny to you at the time.

I've never understood the need for an umbrella.... not as though a bit of water will make you dissolve... and most of the time it does little but keep your head dry while the rest of you gets soaked... now it has the added crime of draining batteries.

It differentiates us Brits from 'the rest'........

Simon, you do know that there is a special Porsche umbrella that fits in a tiny cubby hole in the passenger side door sill? The cubby hole is specially made just for this umbrella! WAP 050 081 17 $70.00 http://store.parkplacestores-porsche.com/pocarums.html Cheaper than a new battery (just!)

So, how was the skiing?

Simon- What's an umbrella? CP

Simon, To commiserate.... On a Tues. in Oct., I park at the airport but on upper deck, so I don't realize the lights are on On Wed. I'm delayed 5hrs at O'Hare, fly with my first ever sinus infection (which is brutal), land and find the car dead. Get the car jumped, but in the process push the engine hood electric switch into the cavity under its mount. Friday at 4pm my boss gets fired Sat at 3pm break my leg in a soccer game So - either the Porsche is the root of all evil, or the antidote. I vote the latter, b/c I was actually able to drive the manual transmission while having a walking boot on my right leg. Kept me sane. Cheers, Piccia

Ah yes, the Pumbrella that I didn't buy because it was so expensive... Would definitely have been cheaper than a new battery and all that hassle! Thanks for the fabulous cartoon, which has pride of place on my fridge. My mother and GF like it too

Park City UT. Utterly fabulous. I'm already scheming my next trip!

I spend a week there every year for New Year's. I am heading back in a few weeks because the wife got sick on the ski trip and missed skiing 2 days. She didn't get enough so we are headed back.

My mother has now returned to London (after we spent a weekend in Chicago) and has asked me to thank Chris for his great cartoon. She's also very flattered by the idea of being played by Helen Mirren, but she thinks that Judy Dench is more accurate!